Road

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Road

  1. bed of lamb 666

    Must have been junior high or early high school…shit…we used to just lie in the road. On our backs, in the evening, and we did nothing but lie in the road, and acknowledge we were doing nothing but lie in the road. Maybe three, four us, on our backs on a rural side street, no threat of heavy traffic. Occasionally, a car would come, but we would hear it when it was far enough away and we had time to move our asses to the curbside. Then it was back to lying in the road. Thirty minutes or so. We might talk or we might just lie there. Some felt compelled to talk. Me, I could just be quiet and still and feel the pavement on the back of my hands.

    I just watched this guy hit on this woman as she sat in her cubicle working. I thought she was married, but she might have just gone through a divorce. He is, I am assuming, single. Anyway, he did the standard ploy of getting her to talk about her feelings, and he listened and became a warm shoulder, complete with the stereotypical pose of the elbow on the low cubicle wall, with one leg casually crossing its ankle over the other ankle. I should give him a cigarette. His nodding comfort and sediment voice carve delicate markings.

    I honestly don’t care about either of them. I have no interest in what they are doing, and it has no practical impact on me. However, the obviousness of his approach and her saccharine playacting rekindle this searing hatred I have in – in what? – people? Am I jealous of the courtship and excitement and the pursuit of picking out drapes together? Do I wish I had more alleged friends at work, confidants to share mid-urinal gossip?

    No, it’s none of that really. Not to the depth that encourages me to imagine heaving into their laps a pipe-bomb made from stale bile. I just cannot stand the obviousness of it all, and their conversation blending in with the ruddy landscape. I can see the Robin Hood grins on their faces, the eye twitch and hair-push, the praying hand bob and the clichéd jokes stained with wilting punch lines. Even though the gamesmanship does not impact me, it is THERE; it is alive and breathing and crapping all over the floor. It’s a known injustice, like MTV or performance reviews. It rips into me, and I can do nothing but admit and honor this revulsion.

    I feel very self-centered right now, and I love my selfishness. I have great clarity. Do they still have those “national smoke-out days,” where smokers try to quit smoking? I am going to start smoking, in front of them all, on that day. Ha. If there ever is a time to stretch out on a road, it is now. It will complete this feeling of superiority.

  2. stewartparker

    I am, at once, on a road to everywhere I have never been and nowhere I will ever be. I find it both exciting and unfulfilling. I have never been motivated by goals, only impulses, and am having a hard time seeing the joy in the journey for the tedium of the process.

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